A Michigan university released its list of banished words and phrases from 2008.  Among the list of forbidden terms are Main Street, Wall Street, and the first guy.  So looks like the black market price for Trading Places JUST WENT UP.

In Mirriam Kansas, a ten pound Pomeranian got her own doggie wheelchair. Meanwhile, in Detroit, thousands without healthcare still got nothing.

In Tifton, Georgia, an ailing 7-year-old wrote a letter to Santa asking for a new kidney.  After seeing this on a news show, a stranger, Jessica Hall, offered her own kidney. 

Our next story: I wrote a letter to Santa asking for ten thousand dollars.  Ten thousand widdle dollars.

In consumer news, the makers of Zune report that the strange leap year glitch that made Zunes temporarily unusable has been resolved.  Zune owners rejoiced by watching an episode of Privileged and drinking Dr. Perky.

A 72-year-old bomber in Aspen, Colorado tried to disguise his bombs by wrapping them up like Christmas presents.  The day he did it?  A week after Christmas.  Which brings me to a new segment: Here’s a Tip.

Hey, Old Man Aspen.  Here’s a tip: no presents stay wrapped that long.  You wanna hear my memories from last Christmas?  My father says the word Merry, everything goes fuzzy, next thing I know I’m clutching a copy of America: The Book surrounded by breathing mountains of wrapping paper with my family’s hands sticking out at odd angles.  You wanna cause real havoc?  Leave a regular gift. Oh, and here’s a tip: grow up.  72 and you’re bombing shit?  What, were you having a war flashback?  To the Korean War?  Go to a rest home, already.  Take your daughter’s advice.  You clearly need a break, as you’re losing track of what week it is.  Oh, and here’s a tip: day planners: they’re not overrated.  I bet if you had one, you’d sure as hell pencil in under December 25th, 1 - last day to pull off the whole Christmas present disguise, and 2 - remember to put my teeth in for when my daughter comes over and tries to get me to go to that home.  It is time, old man Aspen!

And it is time, now, for sleep.  This is BB Fitzgerald, over and out.